I’m standing in the kitchen. Rachel’s out running errands. Jack asks me if he can have a piece of candy. No, I tell him, it’s too close to dinner.
It is rare but exhilarating, this exercise of stepfather authority. It does not go unchallenged.
“Can I call my mom?” Jack asks immediately.
When I’m with my stepsons, I’m like a U.N. peacekeeper (the “soldiers” in the decidedly un-intimidating powder blue helmets): I’m only issued light weapons, and I have to go through proper administrative channels before I can fire them.
But no to a piece of candy before dinner? I think I’ve got at least that much authority.
“Sure,” I say. I punch in Rachel’s number and put the cell to my ear.
“No, let me talk to her” Jack says.
“I will,” I say. “Just a second” I want to make sure Rachel understands that I’ve already said no.
Rachel answers. “Hey,” I say. I tell her that Jack asked if he could have a piece of candy, and that I told him it was too close to dinner. “He wanted to call you,” I say.
“Ok, let me talk to him,” Rachel says.
I start to hand Jack the cell phone, but as I do I hear Rachel add, “I’ll find out how much candy he’s had today.”
Wait. What?
My intent in calling was not for Rachel to conduct an investigation and overrule me. I thought she would tell Jack that when she was gone, his stepdad was in charge. Plain and simple. The same authority we might give a thirteen-year-old babysitter. Named Amber.
I put the cell back to my ear.
“Honey?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t undercut me,” I say. It doesn’t sound like that, though, because Jack is standing right next to me and I’m talking with my teeth clenched to distort my voice, so he can’t tell what I’m saying to his mom. It comes out like this:
“Deeent eeeunnercaanht meaaah.”
“What?” Rachel says.
I talk louder, but keep my teeth tight.
“Deeent eeeeunnerceeeaant meaaah!”
“What?”
I walk away from Jack. “Don’t undercut me,” I say into the phone.
“Oh,” Rachel says. “Ok”. She delivers the bad news to Jack.
Had it gone otherwise, there would be hell to pay next time I was left “in charge”. My every directive – “Jack, quit swinging the cat by the tail!” would be met with an emergency appeal to the Supreme Court of Mom.
haha good post. I foresee a lot of phone calls in your future 🙂
Not if my cell phone isn’t working. . . .
LOL! Good plan!
My little 6 year old cousin tries that all the time! If I say “no” to a request, she’ll go to her aunt, or some other adult that is inevitably going to give in. Lately, I follow up my “no” with a “and this is not a negotiation”…seems to be working so far. Good luck!
Rule at our house is that stepmama is an AIC – Adult in Charge. We have house rules, and we try to follow. Though I will admit the BF is more likely to negotiate the rules with the kid whereas I’m more likely to stick to them. As a result the child learns to be Ghandi around me and pout like Paris Hilton around Daddy to get her way.
Though intensified slightly because of your step situation it’s really no different in our house. The kids out of some base survival instinct are always playing one parent against the other.
They are evil!
Can you come up with a code phrase for “I said no, so you need to say no too?” Like “There’s bout to be some fireworks” or “Tough Bananas?” 🙂
You think that would work better than “Deeahnt unnuuurcuhht meeaah?”