People say “swine flu” like it’s a bad thing.
I have nighttime fever, chills, and a wracking cough. The cough is what is euphemistically called “productive”: Gobs of green phlegm.
I don’t mind. When my ENT said “swine flu” Monday, what I heard was “couch time”. That’s where I’ve been ever since. Compared to my regular life of work, kids, errands, and chores, swine flu is a relief. My doctor prescribed antibiotics, a steroid inhaler, and a vicodin-laced cough syrup. I prescribed twenty straight hours of pay-per-view t.v.
With a mere cold, you’re still expected to be a productive human being. With swine flu, you become a pampered invalid.
Rachel came downstairs in the middle of my pay-per-view fest with a hot bowl of chicken soup and big slices of sourdough bread. She took over my meager household responsibilities, and supercharged her wifely t.l.c.
My reign lasted 48 hours, till Wednesday night. Rachel and I were sitting in the basement, watching my ninth straight cable movie.
“My throat feels scratchy” she said.
She had a fever and chills by this morning, and has been unconscious in bed for most of New Years Eve. She’s way sicker than me. Damn.
haha Your turn to turn on the TLC!
I was always under the assumption that man-flu was the worst thing in the world next to childbirth.
What do you mean, “next to”? It doesn’t get any worse than man-flu.
Well I just got done with having to be a “productive human being” for two weeks while suffering through the cold from hell. Swine flu sounds better. Your turn to lather on the TLC for Rachel.
A bad cold is far worse than swine flu, unless, you know, you die.
Man, that bites. No matter how badly you feel—she’s always going to feel worse.
They will always have that “pain of childbirth” bit to throw at us when we are snivelling on the couch. I’ve always thought, though, that if men gave birth they wouldn’t whine about needing an epidural – they’d just tough it out.
I got swine flu too…except we dont have a tv…so I read lots of books and didn’t go to school for a week! 🙂